The 1792 Kentucky White Dog Julep

So the Triple Crown wound up being a big bust this year. And even though the news is kinda bittersweet/poignant/ironic for us alkies who thought we'd finally found our spirit animal in a horse named I'll Have Another, it's no bigs. Let's keep sippin' juleps all the same. Let's just make 'em stiffer to take the edge off.

Came across this recipe from so-awesome-I-must-slay-him-in-order-to-become-him David Wondrich on Liquor.com and knew we had to try it. Have I ever done a white julep before? Wait... have I never done a white julep before?!? Where's my brain? (Blotto'd on moonshine, obvs.)

Not much to this recipe, but that's as it oughta be, I reckon. Moonshine ain't for fancy-ass pansies. In fact, I suspended a few of my usual julep rules (say that 10 times fast, then read up on what those time-tested rules are for making the World's Greatest Mint Julep here) to follow Wondrich's instructions quite close to the letter. For instance, I did without simple syrup or, better yet (to my mind), mint-infused simple syrup, and sweetened the drink only with granulated sugar and water, which is hard-core, colonial, old-school style. Wondrich says to stir the two together until the sugar's dissolved but I like to have a little granular action in there as it helps grind up the mint when you then muddle it in the sugar water. Take that, man I shall one day destroy.

The 1792 Kentucky White Dog Julep

(As seen on Liquor.com)

2 to 3 ounces Georgia Moon Corn Whiskey

1/2 ounce water

2 teaspoons granulated sugar

6 to 8 mint leaves, plus a sprig to garnish

Stir sugar and water together in highball glass until dissolved. Add leaves, muddle slightly. Pack highball glass with crushed ice, then add whiskey. Stir, add more ice to fill, garnish with mint sprig.

Tasting Notes

As published, Wondrich's recipe calls for any white whiskey that can be called "unaged corn or rye." My much-cherished Georgia Moon is the former. Use a corn whiskey and it'll be a significantly sweeter drink; in fact, it tasted like summery corn on the cob in a way.

Sean was apparently feeling Wondrich-frisky as well when he helped assemble this drink. As you can see by the pics he took, he chose to eschew Wondrich's suggestion of a highball glass and instead poured it into a redneck-apropos Mason jar. (A teeny one at that.)

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Charlie Sheen's Pink Slip

First off, a note about this week at the blog: SPRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGG  BREAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKK!!!!!

Spring break is kinda my favorite time of year for a number of reasons, the first two rounds of the NCAA tournament being the top two of those reasons, but I'm getting ahead of myself. To kick off Spring Break week, nothing seemed more appropriately debauched than a cocktail in honor of Mr. Full of Bad Decisions himself, the opprobrious Carlos Irwin Estevez.

Yes, the man who brought down Two and a Half Men has already been granted a cocktail in his honor here -- and to be honest, I couldn't give a shit about Charlie Sheen -- but I came across this recipe for a Charlie Sheen cocktail and, post-Sheen's shitcanning, it seemed the only way to improve upon it was to represent said sacking with a color-coordinated draw of grenadine.

I'm not usually one for cocktail recipes that try to pass off literal-minded cutesiness as wit, but I gotta admit, the two-and-a-half (get it? *honk* *honk*) ounces of white whiskey made me laugh, as did the use of Coke (get it?? *snort* *snort*) a-Cola.

Does Charlie Sheen's Pink Slip taste any good? Not especially, but does it really matter?

Charlie Sheen's Pink Slip

(Adapted from TheDailyMeal.com)

2 1/2 ounces Georgia Moon Corn Whiskey

4 ounces Coca-Cola

1 teaspoon grenadine

Granulated sugar, for the rim

Maraschino cherries, for garnish

Rim a big, fat drinking glass with granulated sugar. (Hey, I just got that! Another cocaine joke!)

Fill glass with ice, pour in liquid ingredients, stir quickly, garnish with cherries that have been stabbed. (Didn't Charlie Sheen once stab a hooker? No wait, he just tried to strangle one...)

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