The Crack Baby

ZOMG guysies, I am still funking SmAsHed! from Wills' bachelor party last night. Srsly, it was off da royal chizzy!!! Total bach-analia, yo!

OK, so, of course it started out totes norms and civil and whatnot, 'cuz good, ol' Droopy-Faced McPrincenstein was trying to prove he could still hang with the boyz and all, and I think he was getting a little wack on the stripper talking about how he wanted to be her tampon and stuff.

But finally he split, so then we were all like, "Yo, bust out dem Crack Babies!" I mean, ain't no way we  throwin' a stag party for  my dawg Wills and not do major shottage of Crack Babies. They're his fave choice for getting royally f'ed up!

So Wills was just pounding them, man, like there was no friggin' tomorrow -- I mean, to the point where I was like, um, maybe he actually doesn't want there to be a tomorrow... but dat's wack, 'cuz he totes luvs his boo! Katiekins is da bomb, yo!

And she loves her Crack Babies too! 'Cuz like, after a while, Wills was rilly getting messed up, and we actually started to get a little worried about him, and Harry was like, "ghkesl kdfhl she'tdtlk kwon to dlsadodk," which I think was him trying to say that we should buzz Kate 'cuz she totally knows how to handle Wills when he's plastered.

Kate was all like, "Yo, my bitches and I 'bout to get our swerve on at da club, we gonna come git'choo!" And then next thing we know, Kate and her royal biznatch is pulling up in a stretch and we rollin'!

So we get to the club and zomg you'll never believe who was there.

Friggin' Charlie Sheen, man! Friggin' Adonis! He is the coolest, man -- YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW! And at  first he's all like, "Wills winning!" but then he's all, "I'm gonna steal your wife, dog."

Dat's when I passed out.

The Crack Baby

An ounce of vodka

An ounce of champagne

An ounce of passionfruit juice

A splash of Chambord

Pour all four into the same shot glass. Drink. (For those with a bit more decorum, pour all four into an ice-filled cocktail shaker, shake vigorously but briefly (say, 5 seconds), and strain into shot glass.)

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The Charlie Sheen Will Rock You Like a Hurricane

Happy Mardi Gras? This drink is Happy Mar-Winning!

If you drank this drink for five seconds, you'd be like, "Dude! Can't handle it! Unplug this bastard!" It fucks you up in a way that's maybe not from, uh... this terrestrial realm.

This drink has one speed, it has one gear: GO. It's got tiger blood, man! The rum I am on made Sinatra, Jagger, Richards look like droopy-eyed, armless children.

The Charlie Sheen Will Rock You Like A Hurricane exposes people to magic. It exposes them to something they're never going to see in their otherwise boring lives. They may forget about what happened to them tomorrow, but they'll live with that non-existent memory for the rest of their lives. And that's a gift, man.

The Charlie Sheen Will Rock You Like A Hurricane

1 1/2 ounces Rhum Barbancourt

1 ounce 10 Cane Rum

1 1/2 ounces fresh orange juice

1 ounce passion fruit juice

1/2 ounce fresh lime juice

1 dash Angostura Bitters

Tiger's blood, optional

Adonis DNA, optional

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